


Kiragi snitches on Shiro

by Pawnz



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-30 02:10:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11453775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pawnz/pseuds/Pawnz
Summary: Shiro is best friends with Kiragi, not anymore when Kiragi finds out that Shiro likes lolis.





	Kiragi snitches on Shiro

It was a normal day in NarsheenisaCunt Middle School. Kids were showing off their Snapchat Dms to other kids, Ponz came to around recess time to hit on the girls, and oh dear lord the horny kids! Kiragi was different from the other kids, not because he was in Special Ed, it was because he didn’t understand why these kids are acting so unsophisticated. Shiro, Kiragi’s best friend helped him understand the dangers of Middle School, “Okay Kira, whatever you do, DO NOT FOLLOW ANY OF THAT BE YOURSELF CRAP!” Shiro snarled into Kiragi’s ears. “Okay but don’t we have to go to Chinese class?” Kiragi pointed out. They were 18 minutes late. “Oh shit...” Shiro muttered under his breath. “Hey no naughty words!” Kiragi shouted as he was catching up to Shiro. 

“Ms Mikoto! Why do we have to learn Chinese? Why can’t we learn something more productive like Spanish or German?” Siegbert yelled without raising his hand. Mikoto sighed. “It’s because the school board wanted the kids to learn Spanish now sit down you ADHD sellout. Now where was I? Oh yes, Forrest can you say “Would you like fries with that” in Chinese?” “Hey Ms. Mikoto? Can I just skip Chinese class, I’m 20 minutes late” Shiro barged in the class with nothing but a wife beater top and a can of Bud Light beer he found in the dumpster while going to Chinese class. Mikoto was screaming at Shiro in Chinese. “Look lady speak English this is America’s land.” Shiro said with a straight face. “Go to the principal’s office immediately for disturbing the entire class and bringing alcohol on school grounds.” Mikoto grapped her staff and shooed Shiro away like he was some sort of rabies infested dog. 

Kiragi was having panic attacks on the floor from Mikoto yelling at his best friend in a language he couldn’t understand. “Come here buddy, I want to tell you something in our little cool kids hideout.” Shiro whispered in Kiragi’s soft delicate ears. “But… aren’t you suppose to go to the principal’s office and you didn’t call the teacher a slut! You aren’t gonna be popular or remembered!” Kiragi screamed in a ear piercing voice. “No one has to know.” Shiro smirked like how Disney villains smirk.

The two were walking down the hallway while Shiro was calming down Kiragi like the best friend he was. “Isn’t this the janitor’s office?” Kiragi noticed. He maybe mentally deficient but at least he has more brain cells than Shiro. “Yeah let’s make this quick before Jakob gets here anyway, I have a confession… I like lolis.” “Oh same lolipops are so delicious especially cherry flavored ones!” Kiragi smiled with joy like the happy Autist he is “No not lolipops, I mean lolis, as in… little girls.” Shiro explained to Kiragi what lolis are and he was petrified. His best friend was in to little girls. “Yeah I saw Elise’s Hello Kitty panties and it made my 4 millimeter go crazy like I couldn’t stop that thing.” Shiro bragged. “I… think I’m going to be sick.” Kiragi stormed out of the janitors office with puke in his mouth when he noticed a little mouse running down the halls. “Aren’t you that chipmunk that hits on Nino and Delthea? And, are you a girl.” “Yes and yes but more importantly, why is there puke on your mouth? Did you finally find out that Forrest is a dude?” The mouse squeaked. “Girls can’t love girls!” Kiragi screamed down the hallway crying inaudibly and with puke in his mouth. “Didn’t even answer my question, what an asshole.” The chinchilla dashed down the hall after Kiragi, wanting that damned answer. 

“Leave me alone you lesbian.” the little archer boy was sobbing tears of “Please leave me alone”. “Relax buddy I’m not that gross, is it that Shiro kid? My spidey senses are tingling.” Kiragi stopped crying and was now more interested than ever about this girl. “How did you know and what is your name soicanturnyouintothecops?” Kiragi stuttered. “Oh Shiro has been trying to take Sakura and Midori away from me for the past week now and I have been plotting revenge. That is why I put Bud Light cans in the dumpsters around and as for the name, it’s Ponz. Kiragi was appalled, he was actually talking with a homosexual without being scared shitless. “Oh I have to go back to ChromisaBitch High, after school meet me by the high school, I know where Ryoma lives and we can tell him that his son likes little girls.” Ponz exclaimed. “Okay but I have to tell my caregiver Ms. Reina that I’m going outside by myself! Please be patient with me, I have Autism!” Kiragi shouted with excitement, he was going to arrest his former best friend. Ponz walked outside thinking to herself “No wonder Takumi doesn’t talk about him.”

Kiragi bounced up and down waiting for Ponz to be done with school. “I hope I don’t harassed by that Roy kid again.” Ike passed by Kiragi and kneed his Spiderman backpack. “Fork you Mike and Ikes!” Kiragi shouted at the diet bara. “Oh great you are here, okay I asked Roy for a ride to Ryoma’s house so it should be fine… I hope. Also can you carry me like I don’t want to waste my energy on walking?” Kiragi held Ponz, supporting both hands and arms to the red head’s car. “Oh look it’s carpet munching dyke rat!” “Shut the fuck up your dad is a washed up lawyer and police officer and you are just a basic white boy trying to get laid now we have a loli liker to catch.” Ponz screamed at the lord. “Wait how come Shiro can’t hit on lolis but you can? Kiragi whispered to Ponz. “It’s because lesbians are hot according to Roy and his Krispy Kreme Klub. I’m actually in it but we just tease and make fun of each other. I don’t actually hate Roy.” Ponz monologued. “Okay Ponz please steal some insta ramen containers because Eliwood will not give me anything to eat after the you know what incident. I didn’t bail you out for nothing ya know.” Ponz gave her signature thumbs up. 

Kiragi was overwhelmed. He got to meet high schoolers for the first time and he was going to arrest his ex best friend like his idol Cop Arthur. He just needed sometime to comprehend this. “You know the stench of Monosodium Glutamine is overwhelming like how much Chinese takeout did this man have.” Ponz yelled out in the kitchen. By the way they broke into Ryoma’s house. Kiragi went to Shiro’s room which he knows far too well. His Xbox lined with Fifa games, Turtle Beach headset and a punching bag. “S...shiro? I want to talk with you and your dad.” Kiragi said in an anxious and almost nervous tone. “Shut up Kiragi, I’m playing CS:Go, unless do you want to trade gun skins with me?” Shiro screeched. “No it’s about you liking lolis, I’m telling Ryoma about your little habit.” Kiragi is snitching on his best friend. “Dude what the fuck I was going to have my girlfriend Elise here and I was gonna show her my boxers with the DICK HOLES!” Shiro shouted at the crying Asian Autist. 

Ryoma was cutting teriyaki chicken with his twelve foot long samurai sword that fucks with their electricity bills. “Your son is kinda into little girls, and I heard in the other room that he is planning on showing Elise, her girlfriend his collection of boxers with the dick holes.” Ponz snitched. “Hey! No vermin in my house, you go or I call exterminator.”   
“You are more concerned with a filthy pest than your own son being a potential pedophile, woah no wonder you are still in Sophomore year even as 37 years old.” Ponz is roasting Ryoma harder than his burnt beef that still reeks his crib just as bad as the MSG. “I cut you up with 1000 degree Rajinto I find at yard sale.” Ryoma was now gonna decapitate Ponz just like how Ponz’s girlfriend Soleil fucking killed that bitch ass thottie Caeda before she could suck Conrad’s dick. Good times… “Okay but what type of yard sales do you find 12 feet long ancient Chinese Japanese swords that are electric?” Ponz rebuttled. “Damn you more concerned where sword came from than I go kill you.” Ryoma put down his sword because this was not worth his time and we went back to chopping teriyaki chicken. 

Ponz and Kiragi meet up outside by the steps, looking down and sad like some sort of cliché movie scene. “Shiro’s dad is a douche how could you stand him?” Ponz spoke up in the midst of silence. “I told you this many times! No naughty words! Mrs. Reina taught me that one after Shiro taught me you will be popular if you call your teachers sluts.” Kiragi snarled in a whiny voice. “Wait… HOLY SHIT I FORGOT THE RAMEN CONTAINERS FOR ROY!” Ponz dashed to Ryoma’s house at like Deja Vu Initial D mach speed. “Come back Bonz!” Kiragi tried to catch the scampering mouse but I wasn’t kidding when I say Initial D speed. 

“Is… that the police car?” Ponz stopped in her tracks, Kiragi panting behind her. “Shiro, you are under arrest like how many fucking pedos are in this town” Eliwood shouted into Shiro’s ear like some sort of drill Sargent. “I… didn’t call the cops?” Kiragi spoke up, “Neither did I.” Ponz replied. “Okay just gonna steal some ramen cups and you meet in the Roy’s car. We been trying get Shiro arrested for the past two hours.”


End file.
